Sunday, January 21, 2007

Plastic Ducks!

The other day, on my way home from work, I got on the train and luckily found myself a seat. I settled down for a quite journey home and started to read my newspaper. After five minutes of reading, my eyes started to hurt so I put the paper down and started to daydream.
I was thinking of work, home, friends and the latest actions of the Tamil Tigers (which I read about in my newspaper). I wondered how those fighters live their life and if they too take the train home after a long day at the office. I smiled at my silly thought. I shook my head and started thinking about the monsoons they get in that part of the world. Was it the season for monsoons? Do people really have to walk waist deep in water when there is a monsoon? I started thinking about having a nice hot bath. This lead me to think of plastic ducks! I always wanted a plastic duck but could never tell where one purchases one from. I imagined myself in the bath with two plastic ducks. I smiled at my stupidity again. I shook my head and continued to look ahead while I continued smiling. I noticed the lady sitting opposite me piercing me with evil looks!
Did she think I was smiling at her? I panicked. Looked away. Looked at her again. She was still giving me evil looks! I tried to smile at her, she rolled her eyes and exhaled in irritation! I was offended by her wishful presumption. Did she really think it’s my habit to get on trains and look at ugly women? I shot her a quick glance to confirm that she was ugly. She wasn’t. She was beautiful. Extremely beautiful. I wanted to have another look. Why in the world was I thinking of Tamil Tigers when I could have been staring at all this beauty?
I started thinking of a way in which I could look at her without offending her or seeming like a fool. All the tricks and plans I thought of were not good enough. Well, apart from the one involving the train overturning and her fainting in my arms giving me all the time in the world to sit there staring at her unconscious pretty face.
The train stopped and many people got on. There were no more seats to be had so they all had to stand. I tried to steal a glance at the pretty face but the standing people had partly covered her. I could only see one eye and it was still giving me evil looks. I was offended again. Does she think I’m some kind of pervert? Does looking at the beauty of a clear blue sky or a child’s smiling face or even a rose make me a pervert? We all love looking at pretty things and I shouldn’t be given evil looks when I do so too! I decided to punish her by not looking at her again. I lifted my head up and started looking at the ceiling of the train and daydreaming again about my plastic ducks.
I noticed that the person standing in front of me was another woman and that she was smiling back at me! I blinked at her a couple of times and she started to flirtingly play with he hair! I decided to look away from her. I did. I saw that evil eye narrow! The pretty girl was smiling at me. I blinked. She looked at the girl standing up, looked back at me and then smiled. I looked at the standing girl and saw that she was still smiling at me and playing with her hair. I was confused. What do all these smiles mean?
I decided to avoid all this confusion and close my eyes. For fifteen minutes, I was peaceful and even managed to have a quick nap. Somebody in the other end of the carriage was talking loudly on their mobile phone. I opened my eyes and instinctively looked at both girls. They were both smiling at me now!
I started to panic. Why were they smiling at me? I looked at the zip in my trousers but there was nothing wrong there. I wiped my face then looked back at them. They were still smiling! Oh God. What if I farted loudly in my sleep and didn’t know about it? What if the whole carriage heard it and I was the only person unaware of my shameful lapse? I started to panic. I screened the whole carriage and tried to make eye contact with everyone. Nobody was paid any attention to me other than the two girls! Could it have been a quiet fart unheard by anyone else but those two girls? My stomach started rumbling and I coughed loudly to hide the further evidence of my crime.
There was nothing I could do but pretend ignorance and pass the rest of the journey without looking at those girls. I took my mobile phone out and pretended to write a text message. It shook my hands so I let it fall to the floor as it started ringing. I jumped down to pick it up and banged my head against the pretty girl’s knee. She laughed. I apologised. She smiled at me and covered her face giggling! I tried to pay her back with an evil look but only managed a desperate apologetic half wink. She straightened in her seat and carried on smiling back at me. I looked at the standing girl and she was also still smiling at me.
I closed my eyes and tried to think of my plastic ducks. Even they were smiling at me! Ever the optimist, I tried to convince myself that people smile when they see a clear blue sky, smiling child or even a rose! The train stopped.
An old lady got in and smiled at me as she stood to the side. I smiled back at her and settled back in my seat. I felt her still looking at me so I had another glance. Now she was giving me evil looks too! What is it with all these women? Why are they giving me smiling and evil looks? Ah! Maybe the old lady was trying to tell me she wanted to sit down? I almost got up and offered her my seat. I thought about the standing girl and wondered if she too was smiling at me because she wanted my seat! If I offer my seat to the old lady the standing girl is sure to be upset. I don’t want to upset her. I don’t want her to hate me. I’m a nice guy really. All I wanted was to get on the train, find a seat and go home. Why is life so depressingly complicated?
The train stopped and all three women got off! I was relieved and contently sat back and exhaled. As the doors of the train shut and it started moving I noticed that this was my stop too!
 


THE MYTH ABOUT GOLDFISH © 2008. Design by: Pocket