Saturday, January 26, 2008

Cats and Children

Recently, my cat has started going out and disappearing for hours. On Wednesday, it disappeared again and did not return.
My train journey home yesterday was horrid. There were delays, crowded carriages and rude people all over the place. When I finally managed to get home I was angry, fed up and totally exhausted.

As I walked into the bedroom and started changing my clothes I noticed my three children standing by the door and staring at me with expectant looks! From the look on my face, they knew not to start talking until I’ve finished what I was doing. As soon as I did, they all burst into the room and started talking at once. ‘He’s lost’ they said. ‘He probably got hit by a car’ they shouted. ‘He has not been home all week’ they pleaded!
I waved my hand and they all stopped talking. I asked them what the matter was and who was this person that was dead. They were talking about the cat of course! I told them it was ok and that cats often disappear for days then come back. They did not believe me and begged me to go to the back garden and call the cat. ‘He listens to you’ they said. ‘If you call him he will come’ they reasoned. ‘Please do it, dad’ they begged.

I was standing in the back garden shouting the cat’s name and hoping the neighbours would not hear. My eldest daughter pulled a face and said ‘you’ve got to shout louder. I’m standing next to you and I can’t hear you, how do you expect the cat to hear you?’
My three-year-old son volunteered a suggestion about cupping my hand and shouting as loud as I can. He started to demonstrate before his sister stopped him and repeated that the cat only responds to me. I did as my boy suggested and screamed the cat’s name at the top of my voice. Nothing happened. My eldest said ‘you probably got his attention now. Do it again’. I hated being ordered around by these children but knew they will not leave me alone until I did what they said. I screamed again and again.

My wife came out looking all worried and annoyed. She asked me what was I shouting about (even though she heard me already and knew it was the cat’s name). I told her I was calling the cat. She ordered the children into the house and asked me to try to keep my voice down as she walked back in and shut the door behind her!
I stood there looking at the closed door and seeing visions of a burning house, fleeing children and strangled wife. I suddenly felt something rub against my leg. It was the cat. He heard me after all!

Later, as we sat down to have our dinner, my five-year-old daughter asked me if I wanted to hear a poem about cats. I was hungry and tired. I was in no mood to hear any poems. I looked up at her and was about to tell her to leave me alone. She looked so innocent and so eager that I could not bring myself to do or say anything other than nod my head in approval. ‘Maybe it is a new poem she was taught at school’ I told myself. Maybe it’ll be good.
She stood up facing me and with her hands behind her back. She looked all serious and grave. She cleared her throat and spat out this gem of a poem:

Miaw, miaw, miaw, miawwMiaw, miaw, miaw, miawwMiaw, miaw, miaw, miawwMiaw, miaw, miaw, miaww

She took another breath and I hoped the words to this poem would start now. She was gesticulating and pulling sad faces as she continued:

Miaw, miaw, miaw, miawwMiaw, miaw, miaw, miawwMiaw, miaw, miaw, miawwMiaw, miaw, miaw, miaww


I stormed out of the room and went to bed. When I woke up this morning after having more than twelve hours restful sleep and feeling very new and refreshed, I met my wife in the kitchen and happily greeted her. She was in a very sarcastic mood and hinted about her unhappiness with my leaving her to deal with the kids on her own last night. All the weariness of the previous night came flooding back as I half heard her making a sour joke about her going to the back garden and shouting out my name to see where I disappeared to!
I changed my mind about breakfast and left the kitchen. It took me less than five minutes to get dressed. As I walked back to the kitchen to retrieve my mobile phone, two of my children came running after me and told me that the cat was missing again. They wanted me to call him back. I refused and started walking towards the front door. Barring my way stood our resident bard! She looked upset. ‘You didn’t tell me if you liked my poem’ she wailed. I lied and told her that I did. I gave her a kiss and walked out humming her poem to the tune of the national anthem. When I stood outside, alone, with no cat to find, children to worry about and wife to please I wished I were single again....

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